WWW: Including described research, many excellent points, a high number of examples. With a few adjustments, I'm sure this can be A/A*.
EBI- This main issue is the lack of focus on your primary text... you barley mention it after the first 2 pages. In addition, that opening section is the weaker part of the essay. It may be worth changing your question? One to discuss.
-Written English is a problem in places and too informal. Don't use first names and I'm not sure you can use the word "butt"in an academic essay!
-Referencing is a concern: footnotes in wrong formal and quite a few media theories not referenced.
-I think this essay needs more feminist theory considering the subject matter.
-I would take out the paragraphs on Rihanna & Katy Perry... this essay needs anything down anyway and they are not adding much.
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